I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
