today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
3pm strippers are depressing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
