i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
