Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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