My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
