Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
