M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
