Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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