i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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