Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize