why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
