I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
