just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
