hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
