im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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