So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
