drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
