I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
