Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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