youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
