it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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