I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
