Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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