fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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