I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
