So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
