I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
