Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
