using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
