I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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