you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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