So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
