last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
