i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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