That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
