I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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