pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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