Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i barfeds in our rink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
