you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
