Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
