I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
