I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
they need to just BURY HIM!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
