I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
