Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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