I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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