Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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