I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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