Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
