Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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