lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
