I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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