how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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