Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
