i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
