I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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