Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
