So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
