Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
