**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
