i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
