i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think i have herpe
just one?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
