Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
