my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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