before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
