I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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