Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
