When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize