i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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