my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize