i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
