if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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