I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
