So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
