Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
