Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
