If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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