why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
