I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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