as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
