He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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