Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
