I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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