found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
nutella sex= disaster
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
