I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
